i worry so much about my daughter , heather, her boyfriend killed himself july 22,2011 ......... i feel so bad for her,so much ....so young....but she is very strong and i know she'll be ok............

today i remembered a dream i had last night, about my mom and sister, who have both been dead for some time now, i had to watch them die all over again. it sucked!!!!! then my nephew, my sisters son, posted some old pic's. way cool. and i talked to my brother. when i was little, i remember always going to my grandmas house for all the big 'to do's....... it was all about family! everyone was there. home made split pea soup or chicken n dumplins.  thats what it's all about family, right? i have not done that kind of stuff since forever! sad

????

today kinda sucks. it's too hot and my insecuritys  have gotten the best of me.        sometimes i have to ask myself, self, what the fuck are you doing with your life? and   what do i do?....... i cry, because i don't know.!!!! im 42 years old and i guess i have a boyfriend who likes to still play games and make my heart hurt.   when will i learn??? i am lost. i dont know what to do.....,,

my heros!!!!!!!

why can't relationships be like fairytals? no drama, no fighting, just live happily ever after? karma. thats what it is, yep, karma,bitch! she's getting me for all bad,wrong  shit i've done.oh well,i gotta play the hand i was delt in life.im not mad, i love my life. there are people worse off then me out there. i have great kids, who are my heros!, i couldn't ask for more. someone once told me i should want more for myself , but i say i am who i am, and as long as im happy or comfortable, what more could i want.    im just saying...........